Pearl like Neon
by 2manybears
Summary: A summary...summary? Kadaj is lost in life, trying to look for mother and it is scaring Yazoo and Loz but mainly Yazoo Yazoo tries to help, but things seem to be heading down hill...drama, angst, love...I tried...[KadajxYazoo]
1. Chapter 1

AN: I was really really hesitant on rather or not should I do this...I'm giving this story a try... Enjoy

-2 (t-too) many bears-

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The three silver-haired brothers travelled for days together, searching for their beloved mother. The brothers searched more devoted than ever; weeks after their quarrel with Cloud. They would sometimes settle in random apartments when night fell. The dark night was brisk and rainy. It was three in the morning. Kadaj was wary; murmuring throughout the night. His thoughts were spoken aloud in whimpers; asking questions of whom, what, and how. Something continued to perturb his mind; loosing countless hours of sleep. Awakened by the chanting, Yazoo watched his younger brother sitting in his bed shivering uncontrollably. He looked to his right to see if Loz was awake, but he was sleeping soundly. Yazoo got up from his bed; he walked cautiously towards Kadaj. "Kadaj?" said Yazoo gently, "Kadaj?" Kadaj put his chatting to a close, noticing that he was locked in his brother's embracing arms. "Yazoo?...W-where-what?" Kadaj stammered; a look of puzzlement masked his face.

"Everything will be fine, Kadaj." Yazoo whispered, holding his brother with deep compassion. "D-don't...don't tell me that...You know t-that I'm _not_ fine...y-you know yourself...you can-n feel it..." replied Kadaj his voice faltered when he spoke. It was the truth...Yazoo has spent a considerable amount of disquieting nights with his younger brother. Kadaj grew more hot-tempered as each day went by. His raving thoughts kept him alert during the night, but nothing stopped his vehement yearning for Mother. "I _will _never be fine!" cried Kadaj his voiced filled with frustration, "I will never...n-never...I j-just want to find her..."

"_Ssssh_...You will Kadaj..." Yazoo held his brother closer. He could feel Kadaj's body shaking violently, and his nails beginning to puncture through his back.

"N-no I won't"

"I promise...that you will..."

Kadaj calmed down. His shivers went motionless...He fell asleep slowly in Yazoo's embrace. Yazoo managed to stay wakeful for the rest of the hours; keeping a keen eye out on Kadaj. Yazoo always kept his doubts and woes cloaked underneath his tranquil demeanour. His deep feelings for Kadaj were so powerful that words could not illustrate his affection. Yazoo's eyes grew tired. Both brothers fell asleep, unclothed together, wrapped in each other's arms...

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The morning made the drab damp room seem brighter. The light welcomed itself to the windows. The beaming light of day woke Loz. He was appalled to see what was before his eyes. Two of his younger brothers were resting in bed together. _'Disgusting' _Loz thought to himself, he tried to ignore what he just saw.

Kadaj opened his tired eyes. His mind was clouded with many questions and disturbances from last night. _'Why is Yazoo with me?' _his mind pondered. He struggled to break loose out of Yazoo's embrace, but Yazoo resisted letting go. "Yazoo wake up, get off me." said Kadaj. Although in essence of it all, Kadaj really wanted his brother to hold him. Yazoo smiled and laughed lightly; he loved taunting his younger brother at times. "Loz, make him let go!" Kadaj shouted to the oldest brother of the trio. Yazoo freed Kadaj from his arms. Loz avoided making contact to the situation; putting on his leather suit. Yazoo watched his brother dress as he untangled his long silver locks. "Hurry up, Yazoo, we must find her."

"I'm ready." said Yazoo, zipping up his suit. The trio walked outside and got on their bikes. "I have a feeling that mother is close." said Kadaj before continuing the journey. "You said that last time. Remember?" Loz reminded. Kadaj grimaced, "This time I'm sure she is close."

"I'm not so sure..." opposed Loz; his eyes were welled with tears.

"Don't cry Loz." said Yazoo, trying to keep his brother from weeping.

"Yeah, don't cry Loz, I'm pretty sure that crybabies make poor companions." remarked Kadaj caustically

"I'm not a crybaby!" Loz took great offense to his brother's insolent remark.

Yazoo rolled his eyes as his two brothers bickered. "Prove it!" yelled Kadaj. He drove away leaving Yazoo and Loz in the dust. Loz tried to exchange a look with Yazoo, but Yazoo only sighed, "We should follow him, Loz." Loz groaned. They started up their bikes and followed their younger brother down the road. They finally caught up with him. "It's about time." said Kadaj. The three rode off together. Kadaj's mind darkened with thoughts.

_Mother when will you reveal yourself?_

_Why do you have to hide from me?_

_You have to be somewhere..._

_Somewhere..._

_...but where?_

Breaking his concentration, his bike gradually lost its speed. His brothers' bikes did the same as well. Kadaj scowled _'great what else could possibly happen._ _I guess we have to walk.' _He hopped off and kicked his bike to the ground.

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Their bikes were broken down...the only way to journey was to walk. "When will we find her?" Loz whined to Yazoo. "Soon." replied Yazoo as he watched Kadaj lead the way. "Soon" was the only word he could think of; he did not want to say "hopefully." Kadaj's disturbances reappeared.

_I've been travelling and searching for many days...but I still can not find mother_

_If she loved me, she would've left a sign by now..._

_Even brother didn't have her..._

_I want to give up but I can't...I want mother to choose me...only me..._

_A remnant..._

"Kadaj I think we should take a break." suggested Yazoo; breaking Kadaj's pensive thinking. Loz was trailing behind sluggishly. Kadaj knew that he and the others were exhausted, but he continued to walk forward. "Kadaj?" Yazoo said softly walking over to Kadaj, but Loz's hand on his shoulder halted him. "Let him search, Yazoo. We shouldn't let mother down." Yazoo and Loz both watched their younger brother stomp off; walking solo...his image evanesced.

Travelling astray, Kadaj persisted on searching for Mother even if it meant risking his own life. For all his life he never wanted to let her down. Anger conducted his footsteps...He continued walking; his Souba was dragging in the dirt. The very last of his determination was gone from his veins. His heart was beating rapidly with fear. Every step he managed to take weakened his weary body, until he finally collapsed on his knees.

_Mother...why do you do this to me..._

_I love you the most, out of all my brothers..._

_I'm the best out of all my brothers..._

_Why should I suffer?_

Kadaj began to shake insanely...his hands were clutching on to the ground...his mind slowly descended down a downward spiral. He was afraid of never being accepted by her because he was nothing more than just a vestige. His fears of mother rejecting him cycled through his head.

_What if mother doesn't want me...?_

_What if she wanted one of the others?_

_I...I could never be...what she wanted me to be..._

Tears rolled down slowly from his teal crestfallen eyes. He thought his brothers were a threat for winning back Mother.

_Should I kill them...Should they kill me...?_

_Just for you?_

Kadaj's mind was preoccupied in deep maniacal thoughts. He slowly continued to drown inside his own madness. "She... she wants me...only me..." Kadaj said to himself; refraining from losing all belief. "Do you want me Mother? If not tell me..." He continued, "Is it Yazoo you want? Is it Loz? Why not me..." Kadaj pleaded for an answer. He erased his brothers from his thoughts..."_Why_ not me!" Kadaj cried out painfully pounding a fist onto the solid ground. "All I ever wanted...was to be reunited with you." Kadaj expected the same from her, but no reply was to be heard. Despair indulged on the last of his potential. Kadaj smiled, "I thought...I-I thought I was your...favourite."

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Yazoo and Loz waited for his brother to return. Loz held Yazoo in his burly arms. Yazoo was worried for his life about Kadaj. He's never seen his brother this sore in his life. Yazoo had an indefinite premonition that something injurious would happen to his younger brother. "Loz...I'm worried." he attempted to say. There was no response from Loz, but reading his solemn facial expression was a sufficing answer. "I'm going to look for him."

"No." Loz was against him to look for their younger brother. He did not want Kadaj to hurt him. Yazoo narrowed his teal eyes, "I have to Loz. I can't see him hurt like this." His usual calm voice was cold and stern. Yazoo left his older brother behind. He followed the dirt trails of the Souba. He was frightened that Kadaj would do something foolish to himself. _'I rather have him hurt Me.' _thought Yazoo, _'out of all people I'm concerned about him the most. Don't die on me Kadaj.' _Yazoo came across a body lying on the ground from a far. He ran towards the body. _'Please tell me it's Kadaj.' _And it was...Yazoo looked down at Kadaj, who almost looked dead with his Souba lying across from him. "Yazoo?" Kadaj said in a whisper. Kadaj sat up. Yazoo kneeled over towards him, "Kadaj come with Loz and me. We can look for mother together." He said softly. Yazoo reached over to stroke his brother's arm. "Don't touch me!" shouted Kadaj, pushing his brother onto the ground. Kadaj stood up clenching his fists. Yazoo got up, trying to ease his brother's wounded soul calmly, "Listen to me Kadaj, mothe-"

"You're telling me to '_listen!_" Kadaj interrupted, "_I'm_ the leader!"

"Kadaj, mother is somewhere we just need to find her."

Kadaj laughed madly at Yazoo's statement. At the same time tears were running down his cheeks as he tried to walk away. He continued forward...but turned back. Yazoo was frightened to see Kadaj's chaotic behaviour. Kadaj continued laughing; pointing his finger at his brother.

"I know what you're trying to do..." Kadaj continued "_You_ think that _you_ are the one who M-Mother wants."

Yazoo shook his head trying to keep his peace. He let out a heavy sigh as he watched his brother accuse him.

"_You _think that you are the one! Is that right!"

"No Kadaj...I'm very sure that Mother wants you more than the rest of us." Yazoo said calmly.

"That's right and if she does want me more she would've left me a sign by now." Kadaj's voice wavered. Kadaj turned around his face looked upwards at the sky. "Mother!" He cried. There was a dead silence; only the sounds of whistling winds were heard. Kadaj put his head down; trying to refrain from weeping. Yazoo watched his pained brother being engulfed by resentment. His inner being was mutilating him. Yazoo walked over to his younger brother; attempting to comfort him with soft words to pacify the agony. "Don't cry Kadaj." Kadaj was silent. He looked back to Yazoo with a grin; laughing for a second time. Kadaj suffocated on his words, but he managed to let them out, "You know what...Me, You, Loz... we're nothing but fucking little_ remnants_. Nothing but _puppets_."

"Don't sa-" Yazoo's response was cut off by Kadaj.

"Brother was right. It was the truth...i-it was...What are we supposed to do?...Mother doesn't want me. Mother doesn't want us at all."

"Kadaj?"

"We're better off dead Yazoo...Look at me...I don't even know where the hell we are. Why would I expect her to be here?"

"Because-"

"Because what? I'm a fool attached to strings!" He shouted, clenching his fist.

"Kad-"

"Don't say _anything_ to me...not _a_ word...", He said breathing heavily, "TO HELL WITH MOTHER!"

Yazoo slapped Kadaj's face...snapping him out of his own hell. Kadaj never, in his life, has seen Yazoo so upset before. Kadaj rubbed his hand against his cheek...it stung...

"Don't you ever speak about Mother that way." said Yazoo gravely. His beryl eyes were like daggers staring into his brother's teal pools. "I'm sorry..." Kadaj murmured with his head looking down. "...tell me...what's what wrong with me" questioned Kadaj, "...W-why doesn't she want me Yazoo?" Yazoo gently placed his hand under Kadaj's chin; tilting his head up to see angel face lamenting. "Because..." Yazoo's voice was sonorous and calming to his brother's ears. Yazoo placed his lips gently onto his brother's; kissing him slow and passionately. Yazoo gazed amorously into Kadaj's lachrymose eyes. "Yazoo?" Kadaj said softly as he sensed his repressed fears smoothen. His brother's strong affection mystified him. After all he has said and done, Yazoo was forever forgiving. Kadaj fell into his brother's embrace. "A mother's love could never replace a love between brothers" Yazoo whispered softly in Kadaj's ear.

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AN: Sorry if the story did not turn out well...but if you did enjoyed it thank you...I am hesistant on rather I should continue this or leave it the way it is...I'll think of something...I don't know if this story should be inprogress or complete...but I'll put complete for now...

I like Yazoo, kind of random but in a way he reminds me of Choo Choo (the pink cat with the sweater) from one of my favourite shows "Top Cat" (old school Hanna-Barbera cartoons, I know) for some really queer reason sorry...thats about all...

-2(t-toooo) many bears-


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Decided to add to this...

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Yazoo's words echoed through his mind...was everything was fine? Kadaj felt confused. He was not used to these foreign emotions. "Am I...supposed to feel like this?" He questioned. Many emotions were being scattered and hailing at once.

"Like what?" ask Yazoo with a calm tone of voice. Deep inside, he could sense what Kadaj meant.

"But you're...my..."

"Brother?" Yazoo suggested guessing if the word would finish Kadaj's sentence. He was patient for his younger brother's response. "Never mind... We need to get Loz." Kadaj finally said picking up his Souba. Yazoo almost forgot that he had left Loz behind. Yazoo followed Kadaj back. Enshrining his thoughts was the moment between him and Kadaj. However, his feelings were still caged from the light of release. He wondered if his love could ever be expressed. A few issues created a wall that dimmed his sight. He did not want be a burden to Kadaj that would bring more uncomforted disturbances. They met up with their oldest brother.

"Loz, we're going to head..." Kadaj paused he was not sure where to go, "this way." Loz did not ask any questions or made any comments. He wanted to avoid Kadaj's bad side. They walked together with their aimless leader. Each step felt heavier than the first one as if the ground was pulling them down. The sky's blues were beginning to wash into a reddish-purplish colour with soft tinges of gold peeking in between; telling them that the sun was setting. Yazoo could read that Kadaj was furious because the lack of progress they made. They finally came across a town.

"I don't want to rest. I want to keep searching...I have to..." said Kadaj

"Come on, Kadaj, it's not that bad." Yazoo said.

Loz shook his head. He was tired of keeping up with Kadaj.

"No..." refused Kadaj, but Yazoo grabbed his hand. Kadaj was too tired to take his hand back. Yazoo guided Kadaj through the town.

They found another apartment to settle in. They walked upstairs to the second floor; searching for an empty room...they found one. The room was plain but better looking than the one before. It had two beds and a bathroom that contained shower. Loz fell onto the bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Kadaj headed to the bathroom. He undress from his suit and turned on the shower. The warm water could not help relax his mind. He closed his eyes to feel his shame in his hidden escapement. "If only..." he mumbled to himself, "If only I could find her..." A tear fell from his eye. "There has to be something I can do."

_Why can't I find her?_

_Why...?_

He thought about Yazoo's words. "Yazoo..." he said to himself.

"Yes, do you need company?" A voice asked softly.

He turned his head...It was Yazoo...only he undress; revealing his slender body and lustrous beautiful cream skin. His long silver hair was like satin going past his shoulders; framing his handsome elegant face. His fine lineaments made his appearance look somewhat effeminate. His teal eyes were aimed directly at Kadaj. Kadaj blushed to a soft rose red.

"Is there something wrong?" Yazoo asked walking over to join his brother.

"Yazoo-" Kadaj tried to say, but his brother pressed him against the wall. Yazoo laughed softly. He planted a necklace of gentle kisses around Kadaj's collar bone. "Yaz-" Kadaj began but was interrupted. "Ssshhh..." said Yazoo, "You'll speak when you're spoken to." His long deft agile fingers fondled Kadaj's sides. Kadaj could not withstand his brother's affectionate gestures; he moaned lightly. Yazoo brushed his lips lightly upon his brother's neck. "I love you..." he whispered in his ear. Kadaj could not help but stroke Yazoo's long wet hair that ran smoothly between his fingers like a river of silk. Those foreign feelings of confusion made another visit to Kadaj's mind. Yazoo looked up at Kadaj, who was looking quite unsure..."I know what you're thinking." He said to his younger brother, "What you are feeling...is normal." The ravishing sapours of sweet incest it was. The lines between brotherly love and sin were crossed and mangled into a web that contained many patterns. Yazoo placed his hands on Kadaj's shoulders. He kissed his brother's lips; making his mind reminiscence on the taste of their first kiss. Yazoo's tongue caressed his brother's.

Kadaj broke the kiss...there was a strong pause. Both brothers were looking into each others' beryl eyes through the water's curtain. Kadaj went forward to kiss him once more. Yazoo went down to kiss his chest. The water created small streams down Kadaj's torso. His skin was soft and radiant. Yazoo never felt so intimate with his brother before. The endearment was strong; lighting a candle at both ends...but he refrain himself to descend down any further. His brother's trembling put him to a halt. The frantic butterflies from inside warned him that Kadaj was not well conditioned for the pending occurrence...

Yazoo ascended back up, his eyes admiring Kadaj's face. He looked innocent and confused. His teal eyes were peeping through the veil of wet silvery bangs. A few wayward strands were resting on his wet face. He was breathing in and out deeply. Yazoo pushed his bangs aside for a better vision. Yazoo kissed him softly on his forehead. Then he kissed with pleasure on the lips; caressing his brother's jewel at the same time. His brother's moans of bliss and viridity were touching to Yazoo...making him feel closer...

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Thank you for reading...and...I...don't know...


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